“The Quest to be Freshed”, part 1

September 11, 2010

Once upon a time….

There was a city. In this city, it rained almost every day, except in winter when it snowed.

Sometimes acid rain would fall from the sky and ruin people’s umbrellas.

One misty night when there was 7 feet of rain on the streets (which had no drains for the water), a man was swimming along.He was the only man in the streets, because everyone else had gone to their houses. He had just been fired from his job as one of the mayor’s official Boat Rowers, which is why he was swimming.

The man had black hair and a pale face. He had a beige raincoat on, along with a pair of black galoshes , just like the other 4 million inhabitants of the city.

The man was swimming to his house, which was connected to another house, which was connected to another, as were all the houses in this city. The only way that someone could tell if it was their house or not was by the house number. If you tried to personalize your house in any way, the police (who wore blue raincoats) would shoot you and throw you into the General Waste Department. There was not a law against personalizing one’s lawn, because nobody had lawns in that city. Nobody owned their house in this city. The government could force anyone out of their house at any given hour.

The man was two blocks away from “his” house when he spied a boat.

All boats in this city were small wooden ones that could fit up to four people, or one American. The only exception was the mayor’s boat, which had a cup holder.

As the boat neared him, he noticed that there was only one person in the boat. As it got even closer, the man noticed that the person in the boat did not have a beige raincoat on.

The boat soon came into shouting range. The man would have asked for a lift, but didn’t want to be shot and thrown into the General Waste Department for “Disturbing the General Peace”.

So he waited.

In time, the boat came alongside him, and the man now noticed that the rower was a lady. She didn’t seem to be from the city. “Please, madame, ” said the man in distress. “I am very tired and far from my house. Would you be so kind as to give me a lift?”

The woman looked down at him in pity, and offered her hand. The man scrambled onto the boat. “There you are,” she said. “Is it always like this here?”

“No, ” said the man. “It’s usually ten times worse” He said as he took the paddles from the lady and started to row (this was a general courtesy).

“Oh?” Replied the lady in surprise. “Wouldn’t that put the houses under water?”

“Yes,” said the man glumly. “People usually sleep in their boats.”

“Wouldn’t they drift away while they slept, though?”

“No,” replied the man. “There’s never any wind here.”

“What kind of food do you eat here?”

“Birds.”

There was silence.

“So what do you do?” asked the lady

“Nothing.” replied the man. “Well, I used to be a Boat Rower for the mayor, but that ended when I dropped an oar into the water…”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” said the lady in utter sympathy. “Don’t you do anything refreshing here?” she asked.

“No.” Said the man. “Nobody here can be refreshed because they have never been freshed in the first place.”

“Well,” Said the lady in a determined voice. “That must change!”

She started to row down a street that nobody had discovered, and they were soon out of that dismal city.

Half an hour later, they arrived at a small island. They tied the boat up and got out. There was a pineapple stand nearby. “Pineapples are refreshing!” exclaimed the lady. “Do you like pineapples?”

“No.”

….Thus begins the man’s utterly impossible quest to be freshed, and his patient companion’s equally impossible quest to fresh him.

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3 Responses to ““The Quest to be Freshed”, part 1”

  1. cjoyjump said

    I really wish you would continue this grand epic. It has piqued my interest.

    Also, it strongly reminds me of “A Series of Unfortunate Events”.

    Stay sly!

  2. CJ said

    “All boats in this city were small wooden ones that could fit up to four people, or one American. The only exception was the mayor’s boat, which had a cup holder.”

    That part made me laugh out loud!! I love your writing, keep it up. (;

  3. Gabrielle said

    The fact that this is called part one gives me hope, but the last paragraph douses it a bit. Although I’m sure you could manage somehow to finish this spectacularly, even when the quest is utterly impossible! You are awesome.

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